Today is the 7 year anniversary since my friend sucide and my aunt death ...Im feeling soo depressed right now..It just reminds me that nothing can be perfect ever. There always something that comes up and destroys it. I don't even shoudler to cry on.. and everyone seems to be snapping at me.....
Don't i have a right to feel upset?
i've been bottling things alot of things lately.. and i can't seem to express my self ... i want everything just to be ok.... =( tonight i just feel really hurt. really hurt. =*(. i wish i had someone to tlak to right now. Just explain how i feel deep inside. I promised myself i would start bottling everything up from my boyfriend, but it seems... i feel more hurt and lost more than ever. I;m starting to build my shell again. i dont want anyone near me or to be hurt by anyone.
I have beening feeling in a way i have been doing things wrong in the relationship and i can't do anythign right... so i haven;t been expressing any feeling toawrds him. I'll just let him do his thing and ill do mine..
I think what i asked him today made me hurt than ever before i went to bed. I would try to involve him but he turns it away(not the right moment). but when he has time to does it............ he doens't involve me in it. I felt like crap.. i don't even do this right.. maybe this is the end....
I been feeling more neglected than ever... and i can't even tell him I feeling hurt... and i can't stop the crying.... staying up all these nights..
choking into saying...... i just want you to pay more attention to me.
I hate being told what to do..............I can make my own decisions, i do have a brain. DO i make you follow or force you into doing things? Think about it.. When have i ever made you..
ok this morning I woke up at 9, usually I wake up by 7 btu today I was just really tried. I have been staying up and talking to my boo boo… =D. ok back to the story. This morning I got dressed. I wore kakis flare with my turquoise blue fcuk hoodie (which I in love with) and my turquoise top to match it. Walked to class at 9:15. Then, I realized when on the elevator there was a string attached to my pants near the zipper. I decide to attend to it later since i didn’t have scissors on me. I sat down and class started. But as I sat down my purse or bag attached to string and pulled a hole into my pants. Which wasn’t that big. But still I was like =O omg someone going to see me with a hole in my pants. LOL. I was so embrassed. I pulled down my top, and stretched it out. So.. at the end of class I walked to the elevator I began to rip down my thigh … like OMg… and I didn’t even bring my cell today. I walked slowly and kept pulling my top down.. This was so freaking embrassing. I rushed to other building in a walking way. HAHA. Then went to the bathroom. And stood in the stall wondering how in the hell can I fix this. The only thing I could do was pull down my skirt as far as I could or take my bag/purse in front of me to hide it. But as much as I could hide it, you could see the ripping a little.
So what was I suppose to do???? I only have one more class… which is 50 mins or so. I just had to sit it out( my thought) I’m siting here in the lounge waiting for class to start at 11.... pfoof..now class.
Well i joined a local gym recently. it's pretty cheap 20 bucks a month and annual one year fee of 30 bucks. .I usually use the tanning booths on the days it busy and the days that it not busy i use the gym.
Oh there coming out with a korean line of hair extensions, i can't wait to get my hands on those. I have been so obsessed with korean stuff i have no clue why. I have been slowly purchasing korean inspired clothing. and people and begining to think im korean HAHa. iuno whatever. i think i might be overdoing it, but maybe not. I started wearing WetSeal since last year and there clothing line started to get ugly or not my taste anymore. There line was mostly dressy and fun. but recently it's just tee shirts and shorts. blah. So where to turn to???
My boyfriend thinks my taste in clothing is wierd now.. when i go shopping at a regualr mall/ I don't know wt to shop anymore. I think my taste is wierd. I can't function at the mall anymore. it's just all the same stuff all over. So i rather stick to buying my clothing online from korea..
I'm dying to get myself geo contacts =( There no where near here. and i proably have to wait till summer. My boyfriend friend is from korea, and she can get them really cheap in lots. so maybe the wait is better.
My baby has been planning to move closer to me. And we have been looking at houses together <3333333333333. in Wyomissing . =DD. im so excited. Here are some samples of the houses. there pretty cheap rite now. 100-300 thousand.
fao schwartz: is right behind the apple store and central park is across from the apple store. I think fao schwartz is bigger than toy'r'us in manhattan. I haven'''t been to toyrus in manhattan for a while.. since the summer. They both seem enjoyable, but by far fao schwartz is way more funnier. They have keyboards you can dance on, and more. It's more interactive. They have a section for animals in the jungle to harry potter. It very awesome. It got the kid in me out. LOL/ Especially the barbie section. toyrus has one to, but only a huge barbie dream house featuring barbies inside.
Apple Store: it's Actually pretty nice inside.. but so many freeloaders siting inside just playing on the computer. The have everything from Apple computers, ipod accessories and etc. The store underground. have an clear elevator and stairs.
It's been so long since i blogged =/ lol. and..I've been putting it off.. Ok.. So it's a UPDATE Time =D!. I spent my spring break in New York City/ Brooklyn and it was GREAT TIME. I got my belly pierced which i totally love <3. I got it at Vince's Tattoo Parlor. It was quite small.... and It took a while to find it because it was between buildings and the placed moved to down the block.
Once i was in the place, i was the nervous etc. and what was even worse was i was next. ALL piercing before tattoos. So i skipped at least 3 people waiting in line.. My boyfriend holding my hand telling me asking if am i ready etc. and siking me out from getting it. HAHA. I cant remeber what he said but it was hilarious.
When i got into the room the receptionist immediately made me calm by saying you won't feel ANYTHING. HE'S GOING TO USE NUMBING STUFF. I was all =DD. i won't feel anything. he grabbed the thongs and gripped my tummy, didn't hurt as much. He looked and sprayed it with lubricant, and looked at it to make sure it's straight then shoved the needle in . LOL. I moaned when the needle went through the other side. I think everyone heard me HAHAHa. it was 30 plus 5 for cleaning solution. It wasn't as much as i thought. But the whole time I was where in the hell is the numbing cream????? I was tricked LOL. Gawd dammit i should have known. HAHA.
Heres a picture from the experience. This is a recent picture. I lost the ball a couple of days ago and my boyfriend bought me a whole new belly ring. (im not suppose to change the belly ring) but i was so in love with it, so i did. hehe. (i'ts been 2 weeks so far i think)
Quiet and self-reserved as I am, I don’t tend to say much. I’m one of those people with too many thoughts buzzing through my head and somehow manage to keep it all inside. But if you get to know me well enough with time, you’ll find how much more open I can be =). I speak Vietnamese with my parents and if necessary, I throw in a bit of english here and there. I’m someone who doesn’t like to dwell in the past; it’s much easier just living life day by day with what it already has to offer you. I'm an athletic person....so working out is my favorite hobby, the gym is like my 2nd home. I'm sometimes a bit too tolerant and indecisive for my own good, but that's slowly changing with time And to say the least, my lovely friends and family are a major contribution to my life and shaping me to who I am today =D. I’m extremely restless and sometimes find it difficult to stay on task or concentrate on one thing. As for school, well... procrastination. Enough said =P. Who doesn't? Just taking the time to enjoy the very simple things in life can easily bring you relaxation and contentment, in my opinion anyway. Oh, and if you happen to see this girl randomly trip on a nicely evened out pavement/sidewalk with no cracks or holes to its name, that would most likely be me. Anything else? Reality’s the way to go =D
